When I was 12 years old I started having reoccurring experiences where I would wake up in the middle of the night and see a dark, hooded figure in the room. I would be fully awake and aware of my surroundings but unable to move or call for help. The dark figure was a faceless shadow, blending mostly in with the darkness of night, and it filled the room with an overwhelming sense of evil and malevolence. The level of terror I felt is difficult to explain, but if you can imagine a supernatural intruder has entered your bedroom, paralyzed you with its mind and is threatening you in a palpable yet silent way… yeah, it was terrifying. I have no past trauma or any other psychological reasons why this would happen. This happened for many years and I never met another person who mentioned having had this kind of experience, but later in life I discovered that this was a rare phenomenon that has been docujmented for over two thousand years throughout every culture.
In the vast majority of reports, all the experiences had the exact same basic details. Being awake but unable to move or speak, accompanied by the feeling of an evil “entity” in the room. The stories vary as far as what they would see, but typically the entity was similar.. an old, disheveled lady, a gnarled witch, a demonic little creature or a shadowy figure. This all lined up with my story, mine had been the shadowy figure. So I just assumed what I was experiencing was some kind of sleep issue and though it continued on just the same, I sort of got used to it, as much as you can get used to something so disturbing. That is until the very last time it happened.
The very last time this happened to me, it started out the same, except I couldn’t make out the shadow figure anywhere. I was paralyzed and frightened as my eyes searched the corners of my room. Suddenly I saw it, and it was not just the figure of darkness, hiding in the shadows that I’d become accustomed to. There in the upper-left corner of my room, was the entity like never before… floating silently above the doorframe, partly transparent, and composed of a phosphorescent, glow-in-the-dark green color that gave off a mist of glowing light that swirled into the air and then faded off into the darkness. It was floating horizontally and had no body that I could make out, just flowing robes rippling gently in some kind of supernatural, slow-motion wind that I could not perceive. There was no real expression on its face, because instead of a face there was a glowing, green skull that can only be described as having the typical features of a grey alien. Absolute malice was silently emanating from the enormous, empty eye sockets and though it wasn’t making any move toward me, I could feel that it was going to attack me at any moment. I had been afraid of the shadow figure my whole life but suddenly, in the wake of seeing its awful revelation, something rose up inside of me with a vengeance. I started trembling as I regained my ability to move and drew in shaky breaths as I watched the entity quickly dissolve into the darkness. I decided at that moment that I had to be the one to do something to stop this thing.
The first thing I did the next the morning was make a call to a woman named Sue Moon, who I’d heard did energy work, and made an appointment to see her later that day. I wasn’t exactly sure what energy work was or if I believed in it, but I knew what had happened to me was something supernatural and I needed to talk to someone who worked in the world of metaphysics. When I met her she made me feel immediately calm, and as I told her about the entity experiences, she just smiled and nodded knowingly. I agreed to let her do a full reiki session on me, and settled into a comfortable position on a soft, padded table, laying on my back with eyes closed. She explained that reiki was an ancient healing art and that she was just going to do a sort of scan of my body’s energy systems to see what might be going on. A few moments later I heard her breathing deeply and slowly and then, suddenly, I felt an incredibly strong sensation buzzing on the top of my head, so strong that I almost couldn’t stay still. She said, “My hands are hovering over your crown chakra, and whoah baby, I’m seeing some past lives in here!” She went on to recant a tale of a fortune teller who scammed innocent, downtrodden people out of their money and felt no remorse. Before I could think too much about that I could feel the intense warm buzz moving down and hovering over my forehead, then my throat, my heart and then my stomach, silently taking deep breaths at each place before moving on. But then, when she stopped at my stomach she suddenly said “Wow, ok… I’ve never seen this. There are usually clusters of stars here at a person’s solar plexus but here I only see one, big star.” I furrowed my brows, not understanding, but before I could ask any questions she said in a strange cadence, “You know… you could be… bigger than the Beatles. No one is going to… hurt you. You know… no one is going to… shoot you.” It sounded like the words flowing out of her were a surprise to her as she spoke. It was the oddest sensation… I hadn’t told her I was a singer or anything else about my life, only about my struggles with the entity. I laid there puzzled as she finished the session, her hands having moved down over my legs and feet, never touching me but always creating a buzzing warmth.
She had only spoken to me those two times during the session and as I prepared to leave she said, you’re going to be fine. I asked her what to do about the attacks I’d been having and she simply said, light some sage and smudge the room and just follow your heart. She gave me the kindest smile and hugged me and I went on my way. I went home and did what she told me. I lit some sage and waved the smoke around the room, repeating gentle prayers under my breath for peaceful healing and clarity, both within me and in my home. Before bed I took out a little ring from my jewelry box and sat with it in my hands. I looked at the tiny little flower made of emeralds, my birthstone, and remembered how special it had made me feel when my parents had given it to me for my 8th birthday. Held in that thin band of gold were precious memories of love and safety, and I cried while I let waves of warmth wash over me. For some reason I took the string from the bundle of sage and threaded it through the ring to make a pendant. I hung this from my bedside lamp and smiled as I wiped my eyes and turned off the light. I have never, not once, had another attack since I did that. I guess I followed my heart and it led me home.
Sue Moon passed away a few years ago but I am so grateful for the time I had with her. I had gone back to see her many times and we had become friends. It was only after I met Jared and we formed Yes You Are that I realized what her words during that first session really meant. I wish I could talk to her about it now, but I think she’s with me anyway. I know how totally crazy this sounds, which is why I never really talk about it. When we came up with the idea for the Blacklight video, we hadn’t even thought of the parallel between our concept and what had happened to me. It was only as we were watching the final edit that I realized the symbolism of the “girl in red” and the “shadow figures”. In the video, it appears that the girl is not afraid of the dark figures… it seems more like they are with her, even following her commands. Whether you think this all happened in my head or not, the result is still the same. It was a turning point in my life and I came out of it ready for anything. The darkness made me stronger. The craziest part of it all? This was only the beginning and much more was to come. To be continued